"Were you scared?"
We pulled into the Shell station sometime around 8 PM. I turned off the car and twisted the key in the ignition toward myself, to allow the radio to stay on. I looked over at the pump to see what kind of payment options I had. There was only a debit card slot, and since I didn’t feel like getting charged a forty-five cent service fee, I decided to pay with cash inside.
As I opened the door and stepped out of the truck, I thought about asking her to lock the doors while I was inside, but decided against it so as not to sound paranoid. I shut the door and walked toward the mini-mart as I glanced around me into the darkness, all the while wondering what she was thinking as she watched me cross the parking lot.
Gas stations always make me nervous. The fact that there are always two dozen surveillance cameras aimed at the cash register doesn’t help. I’m always wary of strange looking people in strange cars at gas stations. The cashiers always look like they just got done serving twenty in
I paid for the gas and walked back out to the truck. After starting the gas pumping, I went to get back the in truck to wait for the pump to finish. When I pulled the handle, the door didn’t open. Looking down through the window, I realized she had locked the doors. Inside, it made me happy to know that she thinks like me. I tapped on the window and pointed at the lock, to which she responded by pressing the unlock button on her door.
I hopped up into truck and shut the door behind me, before pressing the lock down again with my elbow. “Were you scared out here, by yourself?” I asked her. He eyes locked with mine and she nodded slowly. “Are you scared now, with me in the car?” I saw a smile trying to break through at the corners of her mouth. She shook her head slowly.
I decided not to tell her how paranoid I feel at gas stations, for fear of making her feel less safe with me. As we drove away, I shuddered, thinking about what would happen if the situation arose where she was in danger. Though it’s never been in the case of life or death, I’ve already experienced that feeling: something will happen and it’s almost like I forget that I exist; I go into tunnel vision, where the only thing that matters is that no harm comes to her. After the situation has passed, I’m always left with the feeling of how strange it is that all rational thinking had left my mind and pure instinct had taken over.
